Perhaps the Happiest Time Is Infancy

The Purity of the Beginning

Indeed, life has never been easy for anyone. From the very first cry after birth, we begin to get used to this world.

Perhaps the truly happiest moment in life is during infancy—because at that time, you have no memory, no thoughts, no purpose, no disappointment.

Like the first ray of sunlight at dawn—pure and vivid.

The Year My Overseas Study Was Cut Off

I remember it was 2009 when my father's business failed, and overnight, the financial support for my studies and living expenses abroad vanished.

I was 21 then—not too young, but not truly mature either.

It was also my first year in New Zealand. I hadn’t yet imagined or feared what might come with financial hardship.

There was still a sense of freshness about this country, and the freedom of being away from home for the first time made me feel excited, even after receiving such news.

Because I was free. I could finally begin to try living on my own.

My First Job: Kitchen Assistant

So I found my first job—working as a kitchen hand at a barbecue restaurant.

The hours were from evening until midnight. Each week, I received a thin paycheck and began living a simple life.

Fortunately, prices weren’t as high back then, and living costs were still manageable. But the truth was, I couldn’t save a single dollar.

When the Novelty Wore Off

As the novelty of living in a new country wore off, exhaustion from work and the busyness of school pulled me steadily downward.

Life became mechanical, like a machine running on autopilot.

I couldn’t even feel tired anymore—it was all just repetition by inertia.

And unlike other students my age, I couldn’t afford the comfort of material things to fill the growing sense of emptiness and numbness.

I didn’t dare to spend—because I had no money.

One Year Became Many

An 18-month diploma took me three years to finish. One low-paid temp job after another came and went, switching back and forth endlessly.

And so it went—three years, five years, seven years. Each year felt like a day, and each day felt like there was no hope in sight.

But I had no way out. If I couldn’t stay here, where else could I go?

Gradually, 21 became 25, became 30, became 35, and now 37.

Today, at this moment, as I write this piece and look back, I only vaguely feel that everything I’ve experienced really happened—yet somehow, it all feels like a dream.

Was Infancy Truly the Happiest?

Would you say a person’s happiest time is during infancy?

At that time, you hadn’t experienced poverty, heartbreak, suspicion, resentment, or obsession.

So was that the happiest phase?

Maybe not. Because in an infant’s consciousness, there’s no concept of happiness or joy.

The infant simply exists.

Gratitude for the Hard Days and Gentle People

Looking back now, I feel grateful.

Grateful that even in times when life was tough, I still had chances and hope.

Grateful that amidst tears and resentment, there were still people who cared for me.

In those earlier years, the path was never a straight line.

Because straight lines don’t exist in reality. The routes life gives us are curved, uneven, and full of lessons.

The Process of Returning

The purpose of that growth is to bring you back—to a state of existence like that of a baby.

To teach you what real life is, what true living means, and who you really are.

You are no longer that infant, but you can now rest more peacefully in your heart.

You are no longer that infant, but you can now consciously realize that this very moment—you are happy, you are content.

Perhaps this is what “practice” means—like meditation: slowly returning to yourself beneath all of life’s external noise.

Only by Getting Lost Do We Learn the Way

Only those who’ve been lost know which path is right.

Only those who’ve felt small can be amazed at how much strength they truly carry.

Between the starting point and the destination, there is a distance.

That distance is filled with highs and lows, and for some, even ruins and wreckage.

If you arrive at what seems like a “destination” and the journey felt too smooth, it can only mean two things:

First, you’ve gone the wrong way.

Second, you’ve underestimated yourself.